"Yes Mother..."

"Greetings!" said the zookeeper. "The zoo opens in 1 minute hell time." SOT quickly killed him, and took his clothes. He gave the clothes to Tumnus, who was up for a little role playing. "I will be the zoo keeper" he said. Suddenly, VB appeared. "What is this place?" he asked. Suncat explained how he was in hell. "Did you die?" asked Suncat. "I don't know..." said VB...then suddenly, Tumnus took VB by the arm and brought him into the zoo. "Alright, we are now ready for the tour! Here in front of us we have a wild buffalo. Pet him." said Tumnus to VB. "Buffalos are dangerous... they can turn on you in an instant" said VB, who recognized the zoo keeper somewhat, but couldn't put his finger on it. "That buffalo is really quite tame. Go ahead, blow in his face" said the 'zookeeper' cheerily. "I don't know, my breath is pretty rough..." said VB who, true to form, could not think of a good excuse to save his life. "Here, I've got some Altoids," offered Suncat. He had slipped some mini Alka-Seltzer tablets into an empty Altoid tin a few days earlier wanting to play a prank on Tumnus, but the opportunity to do so had not presented itself. VB took some and started chewing, next thing to happen was he sprayed foam all over the buffalo's face. The buffalo grew very angry and morphed into a robot from the neck down. Face still covered with foam, he approached VB, claws extended, ready to kick his ass. "Um, I think I'll be leaving," whispered Suncat to Tumnus who nodded back. While the two tip-toed to safety, VB ran for his life panting through a mouth full of Alka-Seltzer while the mechanimal chased him. "Did you see that? What kind of place is this?" Suncat asked aloud. Kitty replied, "It's just as Ricardo Montalbahn described: another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind, a journey into a wondrous land, whose boundaries are that of imagination!" Suncat replied, "If the boundaries are set by our imagination..." "We are in trouble," finished Tumnus.

Popeye Patterson approached with a smile on his face. "Can I help you boys?" "Popeye, but you died..." "Yep, I sho' did, but you're in hell now, and I am in the afterlife." "But you were not an evil man! Why are you in hell?" exclaimed Suncat. "Oh, I'm not banished to hell or anything, that's what's nice about the afterlife, you just kinda go where you want when you want. Bad thing is, there's no Vegas." A low thundering punctuated his sentence. "What was that?" Tumnus asked. "Well, in my earthly life I gambled a lot, and greed as you well know is one of the 7 deadly sins. Luckily it's not a commandment, heh heh heh." More thunder, this time closer. "That doesn't mean God encourages it though," said Popeye looking skyward.

"Anyhoo, I'm set to be your guardian through your time in the realm of the afterlife. You must remember, you can have fun here, like with the buffalo, but you can get hurt and even die here, and if you die here, your soul will be trapped." "Well, if that is the case, why aren't you trapped here?" asked Kittywampus suspicious of the Popeye apparition. "Two things, I didn't die here. I died in Chase, which is a close 2nd to hell, but not the same thing. Second, I am not really here. As a soul outside of hell, you really are everywhere. The life-force that binds your knowledge, experiences, feelings, and everything that makes you a soul, is dispersed throughout everything. It is what enables you to be everywhere at the same time. God made man in his own image, and in the afterlife, you take a similar form to God." "Wow, that is amazing," said Tumnus. "One thing I can't help but notice is you're so much better spoken than you were on earth." "God has an education policy up here, and I am trying to improve myself." "Well that's great," complimented Tumnus. "Well, shall we go?" asked Popeye. The group packed up camp and started following their junkyard hero. They followed him all the way to his junkyard... when suddenly, SOT's imagination went wild, and this dimensionless hell they were stuck in responded.

The sky turned black, and SOT rose high on a growing pedestal, covered in black satin. SOT cheerily let out a "baaah", which resounded through hell. Everyone, demons, devils, lost souls, soulless banshees, VB and the buffalo among countless others, surrounded the base of the pedestal, which was several hindered feet high. SOT let out a baah and gestured to the North....the crowd gasped as a flock of evil sewerducks appeared, flying and dripping blood. SOT quickly turned to his right, and Baahed to the East. A stampede of skinless dingos raced in, howling from the pain of continuous firecrackers being detonated in their asses. SOT faced South, and conjured up a giant Little Debbie, and a hungry one at that. She began to eat individuals gathered around individually. She liked the ones that had horns, and set her sights on Tumnus. SOT quickly turned West, and summoned a Dragon, with a Mrs. Dragoo head. It swooped down from the coop and incinerated Little Debbie with a fiery breath, and then landed, wondering where it could get a haircut, since it's hair has not changed form since the 1960's.

The gang climbed into a station wagon and Suncat threw a typewriter through the windshield of a nearby car. From within, they watched the ensuing battle. "Your boy sure knows how to stir up a hornet's nest," remarked Suncat. The approaching forces of nature formed a circle of carnage around the base of the pillar and a battle ravaged beneath SOT, who laughed aloud a goat-like bah laughter. The pain and struggle at the base was ferocious, even Tumnus had to look away from time to time as the Dragonoo, dingos, and sewerducks tore flesh from each other and burned in the Dragonoo's fiery breath. At the culmination of the battle, when all that remained was one injured sewerduck and a maimed dingo, SOT leapt from his pillar diving towards the ground. In mid-air he shot a column of mayo at the wounded pair, his terminal velocity increasing the energy of the mayo's impact which blasted the two into nothingness. He then spread a velvety cape and took to the air, aloft with the power of flight. "Bah!" he exclaimed. "Get down here!" Tumnus yelled at his son. For a second it looked like SOT was going to disregard the instructions, but then he remembered the temptation was strong due to the day. "Bah!" he replied to Tumnus as he landed near his father, today would not be the day he disobeyed. "Good work, Son," Tumnus said, "I'm proud of you."

A kodak moment it was, and as usual Yoda would spoil it. He drew out his light saber and plunged it into the ground at his feet. The entire world trembled, and Popeye said, "Oh, you shouldn't have done that, you're on your own now. But here, take this," he said to Suncat as he was fading out of view. Suncat looked in his hand, and there it was, the clutch-plate of death, killer of sewerducks, and in his possession again. He had not held the clutch since he and Tumnus had been to the junkyard back in 1993, nearly a decade had passed. "Ohhh," said Tumnus, recognizing it as quickly as Suncat. It had been polished, it's shiny, sintered-metallic surface possessing magical powers, much like the Krull.A septic-tank semi was passing by the junkyard and Suncat threw it at the semi. When it hit, the truck was flipped on its side and all the sewage drained to the ground. Sewerducks perked their heads sensing the new habitat and began to converge on the junkyard from all directions. Then, something strange happened. A car over by the house began to emit some sounds. "Yeah, they've come to snuff the rooster! A-gain" A rooster with an attitude came out of hiding, it's sleep disturbed by all the racket. "I am Popeye" said the rooster. "My soul went into this rooster, and now I must live this way, to the end of my days." said Popeye the rooster. "Actually, I am a Popeye/ Layne Staley mix." Suncat applauded, he had always liked Alice in Chains. "I think it's an improvement" he said...to which Tumnus responded by beating on a nearby car with his drumsticks. Yoda came flying by, seemingly lofted ever higher by the tunes that the rooster was now jamming too. He and the Popeye / Layne Staley mix (PLS mix from now on) enjoyed a doobie, while Tumnus figured out what to do with the sewerducks. "Can I try the clutch plate of death?" he asked. "Ok" replied Suncat, and he handed the clutch to Tumnus. Tumnus was in the mood for a challenge, and went atop the pedestal to give the sewerducks more of a chance. The sewerducks, now wading in the cesspool, had no idea what was going to happen next. In fact, nobody did. As Tumnus reared back to throw the clutch at the pond, someone took it out of his hands. "I thought I taught you to be nice to animals" said Tumnus's parents, who were hovering there in their flying Plymouth Eagle. "Well, let me just throw this once, they are evil sewerducks" and Tumnus threw the clutch, disobeying his parents. "Oh no!" yelled Suncat, but it was too late, it had happened. But wait, why was Tumnus laughing? He zipped around in a jiffy, and demasked his parents...they were none other than Suncat's parents. "Sorry guys, we thought it would be funny". Suncat was amazed. Just before the day started, his parents told him not to come to the junkyard and start trouble. "Does this count as an act of disobedience?" asked Tumnus dreadfully. "Well, " started Suncat, "it would have," he paused to pick up the clutch, "if they were my parents."

He spun and threw the clutch at the Plymouth which transformed on impact to none other than Silken Thomas (ST). ST was dressed in fine clothes, as his name implied, but he wasn't ready to be unmasked. The sewerducks shifted nervously from foot to foot while the plot thickened. VB gasped from behind a tree, revealing his presence to SOT and DOS. The PLS rooster also looked uneasy. Kitty made a stunning move and caught the PLS rooster and held it upside down. "Look at the feet!" yelled Suncat, "are they as hard as stone?" Kitty shook his head, "Quite the contrary, they are soft." Kitty turned his head back to the PLS rooster, "I've come to snuff the rooster," he said as he filled the bird's beak with Skoal. The PLS rooster began choking and coughing Skoal snuff all over himself and ran off to where VB was hiding. The sewerducks, sensing that time was slipping from them, launched their assault, but unlucky for them, Tumnus had retrieved the clutch and was massacring them in droves. Silken Thomas retreated to VB's hiding spot as well and the heroes fought the teaming hordes of ducks to the last one.

Covered in cess and feathers, they called it good when the last duck hit the ground. All around them laid webbed feet and bills torn from the corpses by the force of the clutch. When all was done, quick and refreshing showers were had and they re-assembled in the junkyard. They began to search for VB, ST, and the PLS rooster, but all they found was the bloated body of the PLS rooster. "He wasn't up to snuff," said Kitty as the others rolled their eyes at his pun. A branch cracked in the distance and they re-commenced their search. "Look!" said Tumnus, pointing at a bright piece of cloth snagged on a fender of a Corvair convertible that for some reason had 2 more stacked on top of it. Yoda inspected it, "It is silk, we are on the right trail," he said as he lit a J to commemorate the successful hunt. "Yes, we are on track, but now ST is wounded, and there is no more dangerous prey than wounded prey," said Suncat as he smeared camouflage grease paint on his face. Tumnus thought Suncat was taking the hunt a little too seriously, but then an arrow pierced the Plymouth door he was standing next too. He and everyone quickly put on paint and hid amidst the cars as the hail of arrows fell among them.

"Let go of me!" yelled ST as the chase pygmy indians (CPI) captured him and VB. "Don't be so rough, this shirt cost me more than your village!" VB was carried on a litter as the CPI mistook him for a mythical king returned from a far-off land. The crew followed the CPI procession back to their tribal city, but stopped at sunset under the cover of a shelterbelt to make their plans. Yoda took out a large bag and walked toward the camp. The elders were in a circle smoking a peace pipe while VB slept in his tent on a fur covered bed. Yoda showed the elders how powerful a pipe could be, loaded and carbed properly, and before you know it, all the warriors in camp were passed out, totally baked. Kitty observed that the time was after 11 on ebay, so the crew had to act now. They fell upon the wasted camp like a hurricane that had been taunted by a strip-show Florida and in no time they had taken ST prisoner. With VB fast asleep and all the Pygmies passed out, they held a council. They told ST of their quest over a roaring campfire. SOT kept throwing gas on the fire, but Tumnus put a quick stop to it, explaining that gasoline was dangerous to play with, and should only be used for fun in a controlled environment, such as limestone BBQ grills. After much counsel, ST changed his mind and decided to join the group. Kitty whispered cautious words into Tumnus's ears, wondering if it would be wise to add another member to the group, as their numbers had been predetermined by God. "If you choose to have me, I will be a loyal companion, and fight this evil until the end" said ST, putting on his padded armor and chain mail. They decided to take a vote, and the measure passed, 5 yays and a no vote. The no vote came from Yoda, though he would not say why.

It was 11:47 pm, and Tuesday the fifth day was nearly upon them. They decided it best to go to Great Bend to rest up, but before they left, they would decide how to deal with VB, who was in a dream, and longed to be back in his elevator shaft plotting evil, without the hindrance of Suncat and Tumnus.

Tumnus thought long and hard, until he came up with an idea. Laughing, he collected all the magnetic material from starters, alternators and car speakers and fashioned it into a ring, and ran coiled wires around it and ran leads from one of Popeye's vans to the ring. "Everyone, get in," he announced. Suncat eyed the contraption nervously, it wasn't like Tumnus to improvise in the bush. His gift was the theoretical and clean labs, he was not skilled in the art of junkyardology; but still, Tumnus was a good friend and deserved a leap of faith from time to time, they all knew Tumnus rarely doubted Suncat's inventions. "Fuck it," he mumbled as he climbed in, shotgun of course. Tumnus fired the van to life and it was then Suncat saw the genious of the plan. The current from the van would run through the coil increasing the field. He mentally calculated the yield and said to Tumnus, "I don't think you're going to break the threshold." Tumnus pointed to the rear where hundreds of alternators weould be driven by the transmission rather than engine belts. Their whine increased with RPM and Tumnus dropped the clutch and began shifting. Soon the speedometer indicated 120MPH and the magnetic circle fused itself into a solid ring, shining the color of gold and shooting a beam of pure energy skyward. The junkyard began to quake as the ring's light intensity grew exponentially and Suncat noticed the beam wasn't disappearing into space as one would expect, it was illuminating what they had thought was the sky. The dome of the "sky" started to fracture as the localized heat could not be dissapted by the material.