Suddenly, the Sphinx-Afghani Girl (SAG) from Story 12 appeared. With a smelly curtsey, she wiped her ass on VB's Terry Keenan doll. "Nooooo!!!" he yelled, but it was too late. SAG quickly ran over and took VB's pillow, and wiped her ass on it as well. Now frenzied, she began to devour VB's shit stained Terry Keenan doll. She then smacked VB across the face, and made him sit in a barber chair. She spun him around with her foot, and slapped a steaming towel on his face. Before VB could even protest, SAG stuck a valve into the back of his neck, and blew his head up like a balloon.

VB awoke just as his head popped. What a terrible nightmare, he thought. He was still alone, and his blue blanky was still in tact. The market was about to close, and after the futility of cheering on a closing rally that never materialized, VB flipped channels, only to see a live newsflash. The Mad Rhymin' Bin Laden Head had been stolen from the natural history museum. VB laughed, as he knew well what happened to the head. This gave VB a much needed boost...helping him to break the chains of slothism that had been keeping him down. "You can't keep a good VB down", said VB. VB caught a ride on his homemade funicular railway out of the basement into a special room in the back of his house. VB opened the door to a rush of cool air and dramatic choral music...for before him, in all it's glory, was the Bin Laden Head... perched on a padded pedestal, it's eyes twinkling red like Mars on a clear night. "It is Time! Tumnus and Suncat will meet their doom!" said VB sinisterly, as he threw his head back and laughed, the sound echoing through the halls. 

VB would now get them back for the time they made a pill out of Olestra and bean extract, and gave it to him as a "cure" for diarrhea. That pill gave him the most violent projectile shits he had ever had. He couldn't even sit on a toilet without thinking of those pills, and it had been years since. He laughed as he thought of how the Bin Laden head had magical powers, the powers to instill a person with the curse of being unable to think and talk, unless they were done in Rhyme. VB aimed the head at the unsuspecting duo and simultaneously rubbed the turban and pulled the beard. The severed Bin Laden head's eyes rolled back and it emitted a literally ear-piercingly loud shriek. All heads within 50 feet were double pierced with some nice diamond singles and white gold studs, and from 100-50 feet were simply pierced with the studs. Thinking nothing of the potential money to be made from harvesting the earrings after his attack, VB just laughed and went home.

What's up Tumnus, said Suncat with glee, not on the ground, but sitting in the tree. Not much Suncat, just walkin' around, there's something to tell you, something I found. Suncat sat down, and ate an egg yoke, Tumnus sat too, and then he spoke. Don't take a hard toke or else you might choke, but here's a new bong, and it ain't no joke. Given by Brune, to you and me, a large Presto cup, and not full of tea. Leaves, said Suncat, as he jumped to the ground, then Vanilla Ice came in, wearing a frown.

Vanilla Ice split into seven spinning objects, which grew exponentially until they were the size of the starting lineup of the Harlem Globetrotters and Luciano Pavarotti. Luciano slapped the piss out of Suncat for saying stupid rhyming shit. It worked, Suncat was free of his temporary rhymatosis but Tumnus was still affected. Apparently, it would take more than a slap from a famous tenor to bring him out of his funk, so the Harlem Globetrotters formed a circle of pain around him. They commenced a smack-down of epic proportions, one that would make Tank Abbot and SCSA weep from jealousy. Once finished, Tumnus lie there, like the proverbial beat-down, redheaded stepchild. There would be no more rhyming today. With their job finished, they melted and coalesced into Vanilla Ice once again. "I have something I must tell you, I never really could rhyme, let alone freestyle, that is until I found this head. This head has been stolen from me and used on you and others for evil purposes. Let me tell you the whole story..."

A short while later, Tumnus and Suncat knew the power of the Bin Laden head and started to plan on how to destroy it for good, to save humanity from having to be subjected to dumb rhymes. Then suddenly, who entered the room but Tom fucking Jones himself, riding in on a team of Budweiser Clydesdales carrying a two foot graphics bong and wearing an original Annie costume from the remade Little Orphan Annie movie. Vanilla Ice didn't see them coming, and was trampled to death, and buried in horseshit. Suncat picked up the photo of the Bin Laden Head that VI had been holding. "Let's go find this thing," said Suncat, and Tumnus concurred. Suddenly, the hand of God came down from above, holding a magic wand. He tapped Suncat and Tumnus on the head three times, instantly teleporting them to Paul's Silver Surfer Platform Shop, with pockets full of cash. 

"G'day mates!" said Paul, with a twinkle in his eye. Suncat and Tumnus bought two top of the line surfer platforms, and asked for some info. Paul sent them to Sha'niqua, the cashier who said, "They be dis crazy homey named Scratch, he be the one ta aks fo da 4-11." After getting directions from the Nubian queen, they left on their platforms and in two shakes of a lambs tail; they were in Scratch's mountain hideout. Scratch, as he was known in the hood, was none other than Alex Trebek, host of America's favorite TV game show - Jeopardy.

Relaxing as he was fanned and fed grapes by belly dancers, he listened as Tumnus explained the situation. "Yes, I am aware of the head's powers, they are great, I will send one of my minions with you on your quest, however, we will party now in preparation of your quest." Brune came out with a ceremonial bong and let Son of Tumnus take a hit. SOT went off as the chronic hit his brain. He stood screaming from the highest point in the room as hootchies made their moves on Tumnus. Suncat just hung out with Alex and said, "Soooo, who is this minion you're hooking us up with?" Alex took a big hit from his fat-ass joint, as he exhaled the smoke, he said only, "Snuffalupugus." Suncat and Tumnus eyed each other and shrugged. "What the hell," said Tumnus, "It can't hurt," replied Suncat.

Snuffy, dropped both a hit of acid and out of his DeVry program, and was ready to go. He climbed into Turbo Timmy the Mechanimal with the gang, and they were off like a pair of Frederick's of Hollywood panties for the jayhawker tower catacombs. Upon arriving they found VB's nexus room powered up with the last known coordinates in the center of the Earth. "BAAAAAAAAAAAAH" screamed SOT as he pointed to the nexus aperture. "No, we must figure out what is going on before we follow him," replied Tumnus. "According to the activity log, a lot of material has been transferred to these coordinates," noted Suncat, "almost 100 tons of metallics and polymers." Turning on the sub dermal homing device he had implanted on VB months before, the position was confirmed. "The center of the Earth is where we're going, some sort of thermal confinement field is in place, the temperature and environment is safe," said Suncat.

He dialed in the coordinates and planted a return module in the dark corner of the room, just in case trouble started - inevitable with SOT in tow. They walked through the aperture, and upon emerging on the other side, they were greeted with a horrendous sight. A corridor, at least a mile long lined with sculpted Terry Keenan and Ron Insana heads lie before them. At the end of the corridor was a strange green glow. The lyrics of Transylvanian Concubine were being chanted by what sounded like thousands of voices to a Gregorian beat. Tumnus realized instantly - VB had made an important and terrible discovery. He now was capable of mind control using cello music in the glow of only green light. The catalyst was the Bin Laden head. This was bad, if any of the group were to become caught in the field, their presence would be compromised as VB could read the thoughts of all his minions.

As he explained, Snuffy was unphased. Snuffy bent over and pulled a magical cloak of darkness out of his ass for each of the posse. Not only were they invisible in green light, but they smelled fresh from the strange evolutionary twist that made Snuffalupugus shit smell like wildflowers.

They all dawned their cloaks and suddenly, the green lights grew brighter. Though invisible, the lights still affected their eyes. The light was now so intense, that they had little choice but to put on some specially made thermonuclear sunglasses...ones that would not be cloaked. "It's either that or not see," said Tumnus. They took a vote, and it passed 3-0...they would all wear the sunglasses. As they proceeded down the corridor a deep droning sound began to reverberate around them. This made Snuffy rather anxious...and he began to shake as it became apparent that they were nearing the source.

As they continually passed the Ron Insana and Terry Keenan heads...they got the feeling that someone was watching them. Suncat made a comment to this effect...and Snuffy began to eye the heads nervously. "Where's SOT?" asked Suncat aloud. "Look!" exclaimed Tumnus. Right in front of them, were 10 robotic Bin Laden heads, ready for a fight. "Everyone, throw down your sunglasses" said Tumnus. They all threw them down in a pile, and just in the nick of time, as the Bin Laden heads flocked around the pile of sunglasses laying on the floor. The gang cautiously tiptoed around the heads, which were preoccupied with the sunglasses. Then suddenly, up ahead, they saw what appeared a giant wooden steering wheel off of a ship. This was the source of the loud noise. It was only as they approached it, could they then realize just how big it was. "It's a transdimensional nexus," said Tumnus. "You can tell, by looking in the middle of the ring," said Tumnus. The nexus was all of 20 feet in diameter, circular in shape. Around it, were smiling Ron Insana heads. "This is the link between our world and the world of Rhyming Bin Laden Heads" said Suncat. Tumnus bent down, and picked up part of a bun from a McDonalds cheeseburger. It was still warm. "VB and the head must have just entered" concluded Tumnus. "We must destroy the nexus" said Tumnus. "Wait!" said Suncat. "The nexus is tied into the thermal confinement system...if the nexus goes...this place will collapse. We won't have enough time to escape." They decided to put on their thinking caps and think of a plan. No sooner than they had just sat down, suddenly, a loud roar was heard...and it chilled Snuffy to the bone. He knew the roar well...it was the roar of an evil antelope/human/Snuffy mix, which can commonly be found guarding nexus's.

Just as the guard appeared, the nexus began to fire up...with a bright green light coming from within. "They are getting ready to come back" said Suncat. Suddenly, a loud Baaaaaaaaahhhh! was heard, and everyone turned to look. It was SOT... approaching fast. He was on a flying carpet. SOT bravely sped into the nexus, just as it was becoming evident the Bin Laden head was going to enter from the other side. The guardian swiped at SOT with his sword, just missing him as the carpet was much too fast.

Everyone's hair stood on end, the air was electrified with the energy of transdimensional matter transport, suddenly, a Bin Laden head tumbled out of the nexus, clean-shaven and sans turban. "This is going to be interesting," muttered Suncat. SOT emerged from the aperture facing rearward, shooting a column of mayonnaise into the orifice. The lights changed from green to mauve, and the Ron Insana heads began to spin rapidly. The Bin Laden head tried to shriek, but without beard and turban, its powers were gone, all that came out was a Michael Jackson sounding OW! Without his powers, the head was helpless to even right himself from the face down landing position. The guard took one look at the chaos ensuing, and impaled his sword into his own head, which caused him to morph into an unruly dust mite-Pan hybrid named Goo. The robotic heads from earlier were caught off guard and struggled to protect the nexus until help could arrive from the other side. The center of the nexus which was normally black, began to swirl and flicker. SOT had destabilized the aperture. Tumnus was the first to notice his child's work, and sounded retreat. He then threw a handful of pill-sized thingies and a smoke bomb on the ground.

When the smoke cleared, Goo and the heads were surrounded by some mighty cross Smurfs and Munchichis. "Oops, wrong pocket!" He repeated the process and now the plush toys were joined by a metal & felt fusion genesis bomb. Once it detonated, the Muppets and metal were joined into a really odd living thing, and that's an understatement. The thing began to raise HELL like nothing before it had, as lint from the felt and metal splinters were sticking into everything. The robotic heads tried to attack, so the thing charged itself and sent out a magnetic pulse that destroyed their circuitry. Suncat was amazed, "What is that?" he asked Tumnus. "Run!" was all he heard as Tumnus bolted away.

As they ran back to the entrance of the cave, tremors began to occur. "That thing knows no allegiance, it will turn on us as soon as its done with Goo," Tumnus said. A loud scream and bright light appeared behind them, so bright that the heat from it gave everyone sunburns by the time they got to the coordinates Suncat left on his return module. "What's wrong with the one we used to come here?" asked Snuffy. "Well, the same network that porthole operates on is connected to the one that he... (pointing at SOT)... destabilized. It would be unsafe for us to travel that way until the energy is dissipated." To prove his point he activated VB's nexus porthole, which shot out a fountain of sparks. "You want to go in there? Be my guest." SOT shrugged and flew in on his carpet. The rest of the gang rematerialized in the catacombs. "Dude, this sucks!" yelled Tumnus. The very fabric of the jayhawker towers catacombs transdimensional nexus were fraying, and fast. Suddenly, the elevator shaft aperture activated and SOT flew out. "Baaaaaaaaaahhhh!!!!" he screamed as he flew by trailing smoke. "Sweet!" yelled Tumnus, always glad to see his son, who was not alone. VB accompanied him, wearing fishnet tights and tied to a rotisserie. As VB screamed, SOT began to cry out, the cacophony of the screams deafening to the unworthy. Ears bled, people cried, and Tumnus was proud. SOT had defied conventional physics and had emerged victorious (although cranky) from the unraveling tapestry that was time-space.

Then VB thought happy thoughts, and through a once in a lifetime chance, it worked, he was free of the bonds. He reached out for SOT with a Terry Keenan looking troll doll in a vain gesture of peace. SOT just got more pissed off and went and told his daddy, Mr. Tumnus. "What's wrong with you, boy!? Go back over there and do like I taught you," said Tumnus. SOT then went back over to VB, and shot him a column of mayopalm cement, which instantaneously hardened upon contact. VB was now immobilized. SOT then put on an Indian headdress, and began to circle VB, making "Indian" noises. He then stopped on a dime, took in a deep breath, and "Baaaad" so loud, that it shattered VB's protective coating. VB quickly ran off towards the broken nexus, which was throwing all kinds of sparks and flames out. VB decided to take a chance, and dove in, head first. Tumnus, Suncat, SOT, and Snuffy all quickly ran up to the crack, to see what they could see. They couldn't see anything...the portal was closed...fused shut. After a moment of disappointment, Suncat had an idea...they would go to the "Center of the Earth" state park...home of the worlds largest subterranean periscope. SOT, Tumnus, and Suncat went to the roof of the towers, where they got into Turbo Timmy the Mechanimal. Like a Panther they sprang from the roof. For unknown reasons, they made Snuffy stay behind. Soon, they were at the park.

A long line awaited them, probably three blocks long. SOT would have none of it. Standing at the end of the line...and with clenched fists...he began to shake violently. His eyes rolled back in his head...and with his mouth shut...his cheeks poofed out like a blowfish. Steam began to come out of his ears...his hooves tapping on the ground violently as the shaking frequency increased. Suncat and Tumnus hunkered down...and then...the damdest thing they ever did see. With the sound of a lunchtime horn at the quarry, a perfectly circular column of mayopalm mixed with hate and a touch of insanity shot out of SOT's mouth...and penetrated down the single file line. Bodies fell to the ground, with smoking holes in their backs. "Baaaah!" SOT exclaimed jubilantly. Their wait was at an end. They gave the attendant their tickets and entered the park. They went up to the periscope...and took turns viewing. SOT would view first.

...In the center of the Earth...

VB lay on the ground, scared to death and crying for his mommy. The containment system was about to fail...and he would certainly die. But wait...maybe the Bin Laden nexus was still functional? This being his only hope...VB rushed down the corridor...as fast as he could...Terry Keenan heads falling down all around him. VB could see a green glow ahead...and this made him run faster. Ahead lay the bin laden nexus...still throwing sparks. As VB began to dive into the nexus...he spied a few French fries lying on the floor.

VB stopped for a second...his eyes shifting back and forth between the fading nexus and the French fries. "I can't let those fries go to waste," said VB. "I will take them with me." But alas, he could not resist, and he decided that surely, one minute would not make a difference. 45 seconds later, slothism began to set in, you could tell, because he couldn't get up. VB was a sitting duck. Suddenly, all systems indicated the containment system was back to normal. The fissures in the walls were now sealed, and the air conditioning was even functional. "It's a miracle" said VB, when suddenly, out of the nexus, came "the thing." "RRRRRAHHHH!" it screamed, frightening VB. With a friendly tentacle, it took hold of VB's hand, and offered him some lemonade. Then suddenly, the room began to shake. "Oh no...What is happening!" yelled VB.

Above the ground at the state park, Suncat had taken off the lens to the periscope, and let out glorious blast of methane, which was heated at a high enough temperature as it was forced into the depths of the Earth to ignite, and thusly re-compromised the thermal confinement chamber's integrity. Both VB and the "thing" began to scream, as the walls caved in around them. As luck would have it, the nexus tipped over, killing the "thing" with a giant Ron Insana head. VB was in the right place at the right time, and was forced into the nexus. Suncat, Tumnus and SOT were all laughing, and although VB had gotten away, they saw it as a victory. The Bin Laden head was gone, and so too was VB... at least for now.

...Back in the Catacombs...

A loud "Pop" echoed through the jayhawker tower catacombs, as Tumnus shook up a bottle of the bubbly. "VB is gone...the catacombs are ours" he said. They would turn this place into a party pad. Suncat threw some coals on the Barbie...and SOT lit it up with his toy super soaker...modified into a flame-thrower. "Now all we need is some meat to cook," said Tumnus. Everyone turned and looked at Snuffy, who up until now had been sitting in the corner, minding his own business. Father and Son Tumnus quickly bum rushed Snuffy, rolled him, and then cut his head off. "The trophy will make a nice decoration," said Suncat, who promptly put the head up on the wall. With sharpened hooves, Tumnus and Son sliced up some Snuffalupugus patties, and threw them on the grill. SOT came tromping out of VB's kitchen, with some old blueberry muffins. "Those are old, throw them away" said Tumnus. The Snuffy burgers tasted delightful...even the Snuffy head on the wall ate a couple. With their bellies full, they all returned to 304 C...where they would just catch the opening bell and sloth.