The Worm Resurrected

VB landed the escape pod and got out. He looked skyward at the moon, hung his head and wept. All the planning, resources, time... Suncat and Tumnus would pay for this dearly. "Mommy, was the moon like that yesterday?" asked the child, interrupting his thoughts. He looked over at the family out for a night of stargazing and laughed. No, the moon certainly was not like that yesterday, he answered the child in his mind, and the world will not be like this tomorrow. VB emerged through the nexus in his control room and surveyed the damage, it couldn't have been much worse. Brickwork and concrete lay everywhere, but most disturbing was the cocoon - a reminder of the worm's failure. "Where did I go wrong?" VB asked the shell rhetorically. A few hours later, his minions had the center operational and by morning it was cleaned. Rough still, but usable. He summoned Belial from stasis and sat to work, plotting Suncat and Tumnus' downfall. "From this day forward, we shall all wear our colors on our sleeves, we shall bear the tattoo of our allegiance - a tattoo of the worm! A fellowship that binds stronger than steel and deeper than... than..." "The Mariana Trench?" asked Belial. "Yes, deeper than the Mariana Trench, the deepest spot on the Earth's surface at 11000 meters below sea level. That is our pact. Who is with me?" A roar of yells and howls echoed through the catacombs as VB's minions swore loyalty him.

"Captain Kirk can you save me!" Master P's masterpiece echoed through 304C like a welcome friend. "I hate our neighbors," Tumnus announced. Suncat whipped up some nice eggs and sausage and the duo shared a feast in celebration of the previous days accomplishments. A low drone of groans came from the elevator shaft, making Tumnus and Suncat pause with their meal and look in that direction. "Sounds like VB caught another one," said Tumnus. "Lets go bother him some more," said Suncat. Into the kitchen he went, to whip up a quick batch of slime worthy of the elevator shaft VB was living in. "That stinks! What's in there?" asked Tumnus. Suncat replied with a wrinkled nose, "Let's see, some Korean fish sauce from the kitchen downstairs, SOT's science experiment gone bad, and some pizza crust from under Arnaud's bed." Suncat shook it up good, as Tumnus threw in another ingredient. "Here," said Tumnus. A Korean coin flipped through the air and landed in the cup with a splash. "Yuck, it splashed on my chin!" said Suncat. Tumnus laughed as Suncat wiped his chin with a Brillo pad, and the duo went down the hallway towards the elevator. Ding. "Oh good, no one is in, ok, the coast is clear, bombs away!" yelled Suncat. Tumnus let out a prolonged groan into the shaft, and as VB looked up, his face was met with foulness. "Ahhhhhhhh!" he yelled. The concoction splashed on his face, the coin, bounced off the floor and into his fish tank, which contained his experimental gar clone. The gar ate the coin, and waited.

VB set to work injecting DNA and hydraulic fluid into the machine, which would be the retrieval vehicle he would use to resurrect the worm. He had set the self-destruct mechanism to render the worm completely useless... to anyone besides himself. He and he only had intimate knowledge of how to reroute the systems, he could have the worm back up in a matter of hours. He threw the switch and the nexus opened. Dressed in spacesuits, VB and his minions worked without rest and 12 hours later, primary power was restored to the worm. "Now set about replacing the primary cable work and relays! We have gravity and atmosphere, the hull integrity is back to space worthiness. What is the temperature?" "60 degrees F, my liege." "We can take off our suits, everybody, break for lunch!" Gumby pizza was passed through the nexus by Belial who then tipped the delivery girl. She commented on the tattoo, and he took that as attraction. "Look, you're not my type," he started. "What? No! I just wanted to know where you got it, can I have a picture?" Belial was so relieved he wasn't breaking another heart, he gave her a picture and she left, driving straight to the tattoo studio to get inked. Aboard the worm, Gumby pizza and pokey stix were eaten with gusto.

Suncat and Tumnus celebrated Saturday by dressing in garbage bags and going to the KU-Nebraska football game. Wading through a sea of red, they waved a pirate flag and chanted "Violate the Quarterback!" and "Blow Big Red!." The fourth quarter came and the rain was soaking through their make-shift ponchos. It was decided to go home. Meanwhile, on the moon, primary systems were back online. VB lifted off and headed back to Lawrence, the psychedelic fur on the worm was brushed to a fine, free-flowing beard that glimmered in the sun. It was this that caught the eye of Suncat as it broke through the clouds. "Hurry, it's VB," he yelled to Tumnus as his binoculars focused. Tumnus activated TT and activated the distress call. Shmoo, Kitty, and SOT were onboard and 30 seconds away. "I don't know if we have 30 seconds," Suncat said. Then it hit him, "Quick, throw all those newspapers out the window!" Nebraska fans and Pi Phi/Phi Psi Greeks were amazed as the newspapers were drawn into the worm's engine intakes and clogged it, making it sluggish and forcing VB to land it atop B tower instead of frontally assaulting C tower like he planned. TT docked at the window, Tumnus and Suncat got inside, Tumnus spoke first as he took the controls from SOT, "Not a minute too soon." Suncat scanned the worm and suggested they depart and form a plan, "The worm is much improved over the other day, its got as much as triple redundancy on the vital systems, the weapons are nearly identical to ours, and he has a polarity shifting system which could reduce our weapons guidance systems and give him an upper hand." Tumnus replied, "How are his engines?" Suncat smiled, "We still have that advantage, top speed and handling should not even be close." Tumnus lit out, leaving VB cursing Pitch Weeklies as he extracted them from the turbines. VB could not catch TT and he knew it. He would have to think of an alternative plan. "Ah ha!" he stated. He would fly to Hidden Valley, where he would sabotage the worlds Ranch dressing supply. VB knew how much Suncat liked Ranch dressing, and that the closest way to a Suncat's heart was through his stomach. The worm took off towards the east. "Where is he going now" questioned Tumnus, VB's blip on the radar now leaving the scope rapidly. All the while Suncat was dipping his fries in dressing. "We better follow him, we'll have to go into stealth mode so his radar won't be able to pick us up. We'll look like a bird on his radar" said Tumnus, and with that, they pulled a U-turn in midair and followed.

"Ah, Hidden Valley" said VB, looking for a landing spot. It was spring, and the valley was lush. It took a while, but VB found a place to land in the hilly terrain. Once landed, the camouflage systems were activated and the worm grew green grass and hid. VB rubbed his hands together and laughed. The town below was small a peaceful. The people of Hidden Valley were simple people, they grew crops, raised families, and made dressing...the quality of dressing that could only come from a place unspoiled by modern man. The soil was black and rich, the weather always perfect. Jimmy Dean would even drop in on occasion to share some sausage. Today was a special day however, not only was VB about to unleash his destructive plan, but Col. Sanders from KFC was there too.

eached the summit of a hill, only to see one lone cow, along with a man. VB put on his binoculars, and what he saw made him gasp. It was the secret of Hidden Valley, the secret ingredient that made their ranch unlike anyone else's - dairy cows that ate from the asses of humans. Just then, the cow mooed again, which tickled the man and made him laugh. Apparently sickening these cow to the point of bloatation would be harder than he first thought. "They already eat shit, what kind of feed could be less clean than that?" VB asked Belial, who simply shrugged. VB and Belial walked back to the worm to re-think this plan. Meanwhile, Suncat and Tumnus were still in Lawrence, and they decided to pay a short visit to Brune, who packed a mighty bowl in the Presto Cup and sent them back on their way baked. As they staggered back, Tumnus grew hungry. Jumping in Tumnus' TA with a beard, they made a quick trip to McDonalds and Suncat fell asleep in the booth. By the time they returned to TT, it was 2am and the crew was bunked up for the night, except for Kitty, who docked TT below the 6th & Mass bridge (southbound) like a bat. He engaged the cloaking device and they all fell asleep.

Morning broke and the two crews thousands of miles apart woke simultaneously. "Now to get to work," Suncat and VB told Tumnus and Belial, respectively. Suddenly, space-time was interrupted by the spoken jinx; Suncat and VB disappeared from the worm and TT; they appeared together in the year 1 billion BC. The weather was sultry, the animals unlike anything they had ever seen before, and a volcano was erupting in the distance. "We need to work together to get out of this one," Suncat told VB, who nodded in agreement.

"Paging a Mr. Tumnus, Mr. Tumnus, please pick up a white courtesy phone," Kitty announced into TT's intercom. Tumnus was only five feet away, in the same room, but Kitty looked for any reason to use the intercom, it made him feel important. Tumnus picked up the white phone and it was Belial, panicked about VB's disappearance. SOT piloted TT to Hidden Valley where it landed next to the worm. Tumnus negotiated a truce with Belial, who insisted on being called the "De-facto Representative of the Brotherhood of the Worm." For Tumnus' agreeing to call him that in the treaty, Belial agreed to self-destruct the worm upon VB's safe return, it would be a small price to pay to get his mentor and hero back. SCSA teleported to the TT nexus and gave the lowdown on what he had found out.

"First of all, the jinx that started this is a phenomenon that has only once been noted in the past. In 1998, the Pyromaniacal Vampyre and Pol Pot experienced a similar transport. As you know, Pol Pot was found dead afterwards on April 15 and it took until 2002 for PyroVamp to show on this Earth again. Upon rediscovering him, I asked where he had been, and he told me, 'New Jersey'. While I don't discredit his account, I find it unlikely. I believe that he and Pol Pot were taken to the Earth's pre-historic past and Pol Pot died at PyroVamp's hands. Upon his death, Pol Pot reemerged back to Earth, and over the next few years, PyroVamp did as well." VB's track record against Suncat and Tumnus concerned Belial, and he asked "One of them has to die?" "No, not at all," replied SCSA, "But given their history of conflict, it is in our best interest to track them down expeditiously, if we are to get them both back. One thing of importance is to note how changed PyroVamp was, he changed his name to Spike Jonez and lived underground for sometime, but he offers no reason for this. As far as I can tell, he was back in 1999, but as I said earlier, it took until 2002 for his return to daily life. I have traced them to 1 billion BC, in June, in what will some day be Colorado. Friends, we must go there and retrieve them." Tumnus shook his head, "Suncat has the knowledge of space-time physics, I can do some of the work, but..." SCSA put his arm around Tumnus, "We can only make do with what we have at hand, perhaps your time of personal evolution is now." Tumnus nodded, he would bring Suncat back. Just then SCSA started to tremble and split into SCSA and Stephen Hawking. "This makes more sense," said Tumnus.

SCSA pushed Hawking in his wheelchair to TT's mainframe where he and Tumnus worked for 36 hours straight, pausing only to cruise for chicks on match.com and search eBay. On the 2nd day, Tumnus pushed Hawking out to the grassy hillside and Tumnus proclaimed his love of chicken, prompting Col. Sanders to emerge out of the forest above them. He then announced to the crew that tomorrow they would travel back to 1 billion BC to retrieve Suncat and VB. Col. Sanders fried up buckets of chicken, and the united crew shared one last feast before the journey. During the feast Col. Sanders stepped into the shadows and spoke into his lapel pin, 'They are leaving tomorrow," the reply was, "Let them go, we need VB's input for the next phase of the worm." "Yes, sir, understood."

From within the worm, Belial watched the Colonel's peculiar behavior, what was he up to? He called Tumnus to tell him what he saw, and they agreed to keep an eye on Sanders until they knew his intentions.

…1 Billion BC...

"Look!" yelled VB, "Weeeeeeeeeed!" screamed Suncat as his attention was drawn to the lone pot plant growing against the gray rocks. Perhaps this desolation wouldn't be too bad after all. Suncat beat VB to the weed, and quickly ate the entire plant. "Whoa" said VB. The air mass was sultry, probably 100 degrees with a dewpoint of about 88...higher than any modern surface observation station could even report. Suncat scanned the sky. "I learned a bit about the weather hanging around Tumnus, I think trouble is brewing" he said with a smile. VB was scared and shaking. "You are such a pussy," said Suncat. He continued, "You are worthless and weak, why did I have to be stuck in the past with such a pathetic loser?" Suncat's question was soon answered, he was in the land before time. Since there was no time yet, VB was there. Three T-Rex's with bad tempers roared over yonder. "Uh oh, that didn't sound good," thought Suncat. VB began to cry, he was really scared now. Not only was he stuck in the land before time with Suncat, but there was a trio of hungry T-Rex's on the loose. Suncat slapped VB across the face. "Shut the fuck up you pansy," he said in disgust. "I have changed my mind, it's every man for himself. You can go find your own way home, I don't need your help."

And with that, Suncat took off towards the East....to Popeye's junkyard. Nexi are eternal, and there was one at that exact Lat Lon, the same one that is coincident in the trunk of the Granada in the future... otherwise known as the modern day Granada trunk nexus. The only way Suncat would be able to find the location is to follow the Arkansas River into Kansas, where it bends. Then heading East, he will have to rely on his sense and a little luck to find what he is looking for. Much like migratory birds, Suncat had acquired a sixth sense of direction. But instead of "seeing" where magnetic North was, he will be able to "see" where the elements that compose the legendary Popeye's feet lay...they gave off a special glow. If the legend was correct, the elements that comprised Popeye's soles came from outer space. Suncat thought there might be some connection between them and the nexus, but that was just speculation.

The weed was kicking in hard, just as he spotted a grove of plants. Behind him a few miles was VB, hidden in a cave. He found some mushrooms. "Ah, these look mighty tasty," thought VB, as he plucked them out of the ground and began to munch. He was very hungry, and the shrooms tasted especially good. A few hours later, VB was tripping balls, and at the caves entrance, a growl was heard. Further East, Suncat could not resist at least TRYING one of the 25 foot tall pot plants. He plucked a leaf off the stem, sat down and munched. It was even hotter where he was now, being a lower elevation. The THC began to kick in and he began to contemplate how it was possible that the Arkansas river was still in tact on this singular continent. The low level jet kicked in as the atmosphere decoupled during the evening, and elevated large hailers formed, dropping basketball sized hail around the area. Suncat was fucked, being so high he hadn't a clue where to run to for shelter, and he was in the middle of a great plain anyhow. He looked up, only to stare down a giant hailstone that will surely crush him to death. "Shit," he said. At that exact moment, the T Rex that was growling outside the cave had entered and was bearing down on VB. VB's "shit" came at exactly the same moment as Suncat's, and they were suddenly transported back to Hidden valley.

...In Hidden Valley...

Belial and SOT were engaged in a game of charades. SOT had won the last few rounds, and Belial was getting upset. Belial could not defeat him with his silly putty imitation. Just as Belial was about to suggest a game of Poker, VB and Suncat appeared before them. "BAAAA!" said SOT, sounding the alarm. Tumnus came out of his tent full of Valley girls, and could not believe his eyes. "That was quicker than I expected!" said Tumnus, about to give Suncat a handshake. Belial was crying tears of joy. "It's good to see you again," said VB to Belial, and Suncat to Tumnus. "Oh no!" said Tumnus and SCSA in unison, as VB and Suncat were transported back to 1 billion BC.

...Back in 1 Billion BC...

Suncat was at least happy to see that the hailstorm was over, and VB was equally joyed to see that the T Rex was now nothing but a pile of bones. "I guess we are only in point-75 BC," Suncat thought to himself, as VB sat down on his thinking stone. "At least it's cooler," said Suncat to himself. Not a second later Tumnus appeared beside him, along with SCSA.

...Back in Hidden Valley...

Col. Sanders twirled his beard and laughed. "Now, they will be trapped for good," he said. He broke his prized chickens neck, destroying the jinx talisman.

...Back in the past...

"Let's try saying something at the same time" said Suncat. "Good Idea" said Tumnus and SCSA at the same time. Nothing happened. They tried a few more times, but still nothing. "Whatever madness that brought us here cannot bring us back it appears. We must resort to plan B, or, actually my original plan A," said Suncat, and he explained the situation to Tumnus and SCSA. The trio headed off towards the East, guided by hope and Suncat's attraction to Popeye's yard.

Upon arriving, SCSA broke into a run and jumped headlong into the nexus, and disappeared. "Wait!" yelled Suncat, "we have no idea where we will arrive, we need to go through together." Seconds later, a frightened SCSA emerged, all he could say was "Sewerducks!" as he pulled himself together. Suncat tuned his watch EM scanner and pointed it at SCSA, looking for residual space-time signatures. He was in the future, but our past.

"SCSA, go find us some fruit, gather it up, we may be here a while," said Suncat. SCSA found the assignment better than staying anywhere near the nexus, at least until Suncat and Tumnus figured out how to direct them to the correct coordinates in time-space. Suncat pointed out the EM signature to Tumnus. "Its almost where we need to go, with one more transfer, I can triangulate what year it is now and align the transfer of us back to what was the present." Tumnus thought one step ahead, "You ought to send us back a few hours, at least enough time to get in the Tahoe and get back to Hidden Valley so we don't miss anything." "Good point," Suncat complimented. "Quite." "Indeed." "I win!" they said, still no jinx transport. "It was worth a try," said Tumnus. "Yep. The hard thing is going to be to get SCSA back into the nexus. He didn't like what he saw the last time."

SCSA returned with some bananas and pomegranate, and was shoved into the nexus by VB who had been following them from a distance. VB was then summarily shoved in next. "That is funny, SCSA went through landing only a day after his previous transport, but VB is in limbo, somewhere inside space time," said Suncat. "Are you able to triangulate?" "Yep, we are in April." Tumnus stared at Suncat, not understanding. "Hold on," Suncat grabbed Tumnus' arm and stepped in, they emerged in Popeye's yard at T-minus 12 hours before their transfer back to Point-75 BC.

We have 12 hours to find out what is going on and set it right," said Suncat. "Time is of the essence," replied Tumnus, "We should start now, but we need to remember that the jinx is still in effect for another 12 hours. No 'Quite, Indeed, I wins' until it's broken." "Agreed," Suncat said as he started walking to the entrance to the junkyard, "We should raise our hands before we speak and not interrupt each other." "What?" Tumnus was greeted with Suncat's laughter, "Come on, let's get moving, as you said, 'Time is of the essence.' 11 hours 58 minutes remain, and the Tahoe is not responding, oh crap I forgot, I sold it for $250." Tumnus was not impressed. "Don't worry though, I got a new truck to replace it, with that, trumpet fanfare and a blinding flash of light (just below Suncat and Tumnus' threshold for blinding light) heralded the arrival of a much sweeter ride, a Jeep Cherokee. "Mas bueno," gasped Tumnus. "I thought you would approve. Let's Roll"

To Be Continued

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