"Mrow."

"Don't Mrow me, bitch," said Stone Cold Steve Austin (SCSA from now on), as he picked up a sledgehammer. Just then, his leg began to laugh and twitch uncontrollably. He fell to the ground, unable to keep his balance. "Stop, stop!" he screamed. Then, darkness.
When he awoke a face in his left leg stared at him. The last thing he remembered was getting ready to sledgehammer that face. Beeker and the Swedish Chef (B&SC from now on) from the Muppet show walked in, well, he assumed they walked in, just as in the show, their legs were conveniently hidden behind a wall, but they did bounce as they walked. If they didn't have legs, they hid it well.

"Hurndy durndy," said the chef, then he whipped off his apron to reveal the uniform of a Nazi. "I trust we can make ourselves comfortable, Herr SCSA." After an hour or two SCSA learned that B&SC were SS doctors who had lived in hiding for the last 50 years, and due to the timeless qualities of Muppets, they had not aged a day - they were just as dangerous now as they had been in 'the War'. He also learned that the Swedish meatballs he ate the night before were laced with a thick chromosome and light DNA/white wine sauce, and once ingested, his body had went through some massive changes. One was the man in his leg, others were still growing.

Just then, Ricky Martin (RM), Ricki Lake (RL), and Rikki Rachtman (RR) (from headbangers ball) burst into the room. For a moment SCSA thought he was going to be rescued, then he heard RM say, "Its done boss." From a long way off he heard a skinless dingo howl, suddenly, RM ate RL. RR ate RM, and Beeker let out a loud, crescendoeing "Me me me meeeeeeeeee!." RR then turned into a bitch and died. SCSA wept, as did the little man in his leg, who bore a remarkable resemblance to TV's Patrick Duffy. SCSA, Beaker, and the Hundy Dundy Chef (HDC) all went to the funeral, which they had set up instantly with magic.

SCSA's mother showed up at the funeral, and hit SCSA with a switch. SCSA cried, and everyone did laugh. The sky turned red, and the Earth began to shake. At the same instant, a hairless dingo was seen jumping over the moon, which was blood red. The sky opened up on our heroes. Blood began to fall from the sky, the Earth rumbled, and a hurricane approached, as did a large tornado, also blood red. Hot pink lightning bolts were striking the ground with frightening frequency. SCSA's mother was struck. All that remained was a burnt skeleton. In her hand, was the skeleton of her little dog, FeeFee. Suddenly, the nun statue from atop the convent in Great Bend, KS detached, and flew across the country like a heat seeking missile, looking for prey.

SCSA, Beeker, and HDC took it all in stride, and were sitting in a circle playing Old Maid. "Gin, bitches," said HDC, as he revealed his hand. SCSA leapt to his feet, exclaiming profanities, then he tried to explain the game. Old Maid was much different than Gin, but what ended the argument was the entrance of none other than Tom Jones. HDC was dumbstruck as his hero waltzed in, and all Beeker could manage was a "ME!" The Patrick Duffy-like man in SCSA's leg asked for an autograph, a request that Tom gladly obliged. "Enough! Let us dispense with these pleasantries!" SCSA exclaimed. "DDT!" then Tom Jones' head hit the floor. No matter how cool with the ladies old Tom was, he was no match in the ring for Austin. Mills Lane burst into the room and counted. 1....2....3! Tom was pinned, fair and square. Not to be outdone, Beeker pinned HDC after placing him in a full-nelson, and a body slam, and gave SCSA a high five. Mills conferred with the judges, and after coming to an agreement that the Patrick Duffy-like man could be considered a teammate, but he wouldn't be required to tag out, because he had no hands. The match stood, no disqualifications.

Mills Lane then cooked up some Johnsonville Brats, and took the night off. Then, without warning, Fidel Castro and Lucille Ball entered the room. Fidel was a surprise, but Lucy wasn't, everyone knew she had a thing for Cubans. Fidel had spiked his hair to look like Don King, and had taken similar measures with his beard. He offered SCSA and Beeker $10 Million to sign up for a fight. He wouldn't tell them where or when the fight was, only who the opponents would be: The Flying Nun and 3 of the Doozers, from down at Fraggle Rock. Beeker and SCSA talked it over, though only Austin did the talking, Beeker seemed to only say "me" if anything.

SCSA stepped forward and extended his hand. "We'll take your deal," he said and Fidel reached out. Suddenly the gag hand-buzzer went off. SCSA jumped, and Fidel laughed, he then jumped on his Pow-Pow-Power Wheels Ambulance, and rode out of the room, Lucy running after him and screaming for him to slow down, loud as a banshee.

Suddenly, half a dozen of hard hitting Doozers with pipes and chains walked in. They were going to fix the fight. With SCSA backed up to the wall, Beeker knew it was up to him. He picked up a can of hairspray and a Zippo and set 3 of the little blue plush gang-bangers on fire, the other 3 began to run, but he picked them up one by one and bit out their bellies. He laid them down by each other, as they wept from their belly wounds. After getting nothing but sugar sticks and hums for answers out of them, he ended their misery by drowning them in nacho cheese.
Then, as if summoned by the forces of nature, the door shattered into splinters, and in walked Tank Abbot (TA). "Mrowww bitches, I'm in charge now", threatened TA. "Not if I can help it, and I know I can" replied SCSA. Then, all of a sudden, wouldn't you know it, TA turned into a tank, and SCSA, well, he turned into the baby from "Its Alive"...lets call him "Matt." Matt lunged at TA, who was about to shoot Matt with a very large shell. Matt fit right down the tanks barrel, and into the cockpit he landed, using his razor sharp teeth to rip TA's head clean off. Matt suddenly morphed into Michael Jackson (MJ), grabbed his crotch and yelped. Everyone forgot where they were, and all decided to go to the city sewer.

…At the sewer...
"You know I'm bad, I'm bad, you know it...uh.." (spin) "Owww!" Said MJ. Matt changed his name to "Sewerduck the fucking baby", as did MJ. Beaker didn't like that idea, and laid MJ out flat. "Meee,,,meememeeee!" screamed Beaker. The HDC came out of the blue, with a razor sharp spatula, and lunged towards MJ. "Noooooooo" screamed MJ. The HDC decapitated him easily, and all in one stride.

Then, suddenly, the sewer grounds rumbled. Everyone was quite worried. While all this was going on, SCSA appeared out of the remains of MJ, laughing. "You can't keep a good man down" he said, but no one was listening. Suddenly, out of the deep end, came a Satellite, Popeye Patterson driving, his loser son the passenger, and a beat-up turkey with goggles riding bitch, all this upon a silversurfer-like platform. "What the hell is going on here" yelled SCSA, who was extremely confused. Our heroes, SCSA, Beaker and HDC stood stupefied.
The crew jumped out of the super-shit-mobile Dukes of Hazzard style and ran to the trunk. Popeye keyed it open with a slick flip of the wrist and jumped in. When he came up, he had a 10 pound catfish in his hands, he tossed it back saying, "Ain't bug enough, I'm goin' for the bigguns today." Then he disappeared again, only to reappear with the biggest catfish any of them had seen before. He tossed to it HDC and said "Cook 'em up!"

Suddenly, the Dirty Dozen parachuted in, firing at everyone in sight, HDC grabbed the catfish and took Beeker and SCSA to the far side of the sewer . Popeye's son took a bullet and died instantly, then the Magnificent Seven rode in on horseback cocking Winchesters and putting as much lead in the air as the Dirty Dozen. Then, the 1993 NCAA Final Four ran in and began to scrimmage with the 1998 Elite Eight. They grabbed the goggled turkey, wrung it's neck and began to shoot hoops with its carcass. N-Sync, 98 degrees, the Backstreet Boys, and the New Kids on the Block showed up, complete with groupies and began to sing. Under this distraction, Beeker, HDC, and SCSA (whose leg was wimpering from fear) climbed out of the sewer and Beeker chucked in a canister.

Seeing the canister fall, Popeye jumped in his car and roared off towards Chase, swearing to HDC that he would rue the day. Thirty seconds later everyone in the sewer was dead or dying, clutching their throats, suffering from Beeker's gas grenade. They may not have got Popeye, but the got all the bands, and most importantly they still had the catfish.

SCSA looked at his watch, 15 minutes until the fight. The trio ran around the corner carrying the fish. HDC called the fish a bitch, and it turned into a dingo/wallaby-catfish mix with hairy scales and three butts. It grew legs, asked to be called "Critter" and kicked him in the nuts. HDC fell over dead and Critter ran into Madison Square Garden to get a good seat for the fight.

Backstage SCSA and Beeker dressed up in the agreed upon costumes (bumblebee outfits from the Blind Melon video "No Rain") as Vatorbutt taped their wrists. "Don't I know you?" asked SCSA. VB stuck his thumb in his mouth and blew on it until his gut grew 15 inches. He then farted a magnificent blast of ass, and ran out the door to take a seat next to Critter. SCSA and Beeker walked to the ring. The concrete nun flew in carrying three naked eight-inch tall Doozers, and Mills Lane got called in on his day off. "Let's get it on!" and the fight began.
"Attention everyone...get your free beer, on the house" echoed the announcer. Everyone got up at the same time, clogging all the entrances. Then, VB let out a fart, even more cruel and devastating than the last, and since all the exits were clogged, the pressure that the fart exerted on the bodies shot them out of the hallways. Half of the people died, and the rest were able to get their beer with ease, without having to stand in long lines. VB drop-kicked Critter, and laughed. Critter was sad, and left through an exit. His last words to VB before exiting were "That was mean."

VB felt sorry for what he had done, and rushed to find Critter (C) to apologize. Out the exit he went, and down the hallway. After running for 2 minutes, VB was thirsty. He quickly found two juveniles to help him do a keg stand. Off in the distance, Captain Kirk was heard laughing. Everyone got their beers, and the place came alive once again. Of the beer, nary a drop remained.

SCSA asked Beeker if they were supposed to fight, and Beeker shrugged his shoulders. Then, suddenly, a hairless dingo with fangs and a go-tee lunged at Beeker. The concrete Nun intercepted the dingo before it could hurt little Beeker. "Mee mee" thanked Beeker. "RAAAAHHHHH" screamed the none, loud as a Banshee. She then dropped the Doozers, and took a huge bite out of the side of Beeker's head. Ripped the stuffing right out of him. A man in the audience was calling the concrete nun (CN) a whore, so she spit the felt out of her mouth and zoomed at the stupid brother. "RSHAAHAHADKS" screamed CN, and she exploded. The stone shrapnel killed about 15 people in the immediate area.

"Lets get it on!" Said Mills Lane. SCSA kicked Mills in the groin. Mills then said "you win."

…Up in the press box...

"Oh man, did you ever see anything like that?" said one announcer to the other. Then, a knock on the door. "Who could that be" questioned Terry Bradshaw (with horns and a beard). They opened the door, and in rushed Captain Kirk. "Hey, you can't come in.. AHHHHH!!!!" And then, silence. Captain Kirk pulled out a CD of Master P, and played it on the intercom system. It was the "Captain Kirk" song. Everyone in the house was dancing, when suddenly, Captain Kirk took off the music, and turned up some Marilyn Manson. Everyone stopped dancing in dismay, and began to make a mad dash towards the press box. But wait...something was wrong. All the brothas began to falter, and grab their throats. "Oh god, it burns!" someone shouted. "Ha ha ha!!!" Yelled Captain Kirk, now will swirling pinwheel eyes. "I'll burn yo mouths", said Captain Kirk, who earlier had tainted all the beer with Death Sauce.

VB burst into flames about 30 minutes ago, but no one seemed to think that was out of the ordinary. SCSA grabbed the rope that was dangling in front of him, and with the Doozers in one arm, escaped through the roof, and into the belly of the waiting Mechanimal (called Timmy). The steel dingo-wallaby mix roared load enough to wake the Dead, and it did. The Grateful Dead came out of retirement, and Jerry Garcia was resurrected just in time for the encore.

The Dead were truly dead, and HDC and Beeker were re-incarnated by the same black magic that brought Jerry Garcia back. Somehow when he was re-awakened, a bat had been sucking HDC's felt and he was fused with the bat. He spread his leathery wings, plucked the half-headed Beeker zombie and flew to the Mechanimal, where he landed upon its shoulder. Timmy tuned his head and devoured the Muppets, who were now flesh and blood creatures. Blood was cascading out of its mouth and it began to laugh. Then it jumped off of the building, and ran through the streets mad as a hatter, raising all kinds of hell, not to be seen again until the next story.

The End