Kittywampus awoke at 4:00 AM, and was pissed. "Why do I always wake up so early?" he questioned. Then, suddenly, the Silver Surfer slid by on his platform, followed by Jack Horkheimer, Jimi Hendrix, and a blueberry muffin. Kittywampus grabbed the muffin and made himself a glass of Tampico orange juice. "I am always prepared," he explained. Kitty watched The Weather Channel for a half hour, and then went back into bed. He couldn't fall asleep, so he went out to the beach, and put on his scuba gear. Something caught Kitty's eye, and he looked up. "Oh my goodness" exclaimed Kitty. He had thought nothing at the time of the entourage of super heroes who had slid by him earlier, then it became clear to him. They were running... but from who? He laid down the scuba gear and put on his thinking cap. Paul Hogan walked up to Kitty and begged for his help.

Somewhere in Australia, a Mad Scientist (MS) was catching dingos and skinning them. He then took them back to the Outback, and turned them loose. Normally, it would be no big deal, because there are so many people that do it, but these dingos were turning into blueberry muffins. Paul was on a quest to put an end to this horrible case of science used for evil . Kitty agreed to join Paul's rag tag crew, and Paul took him back to the lair. Inside he met the other three members of the team, whose credentials were as impressive as the diversity of their talents. Dr. Eagleman, professor of Atmospheric Science, and expert of Power Point presentations, Jesse Ventura, governor of Minnesota, former professional wrestler and demolitions expert while he was a Navy Seal, and Dr Ruth Westheimer, sexologist. Jesse morphed into Stone Cold Steve Austin (SCSA) and DDT'd Dr. Ruth, who died. He then explained, "Four is enough, we don't need no more than that." Kitty took that as a compliment, and the four got down to business.

After listening to Paul's sob story, Kitty voiced his opinion by lifting a leg and letting one rip. A gaseous cloud enveloped the group, then drifted off towards the kitchen. It then took the shape of a plasma Entity and began to menace Dr. Eagleman, who refused to believe that a fart plume didn't obey the smokestack models he so fervently believed in. It pinned him against the floor, and Mills Lane ran in to count Dr. Eagleman out...1, 2, 3, ding! He was pinned, and dead too, his old lungs not being able to handle inhaling gaseous Entity while exercising. Kitty decided that the Entity should be part of their group, and Paul agreed…only the strong survive. SCSA eyed the Entity cautiously as he estimated its wrestling skills. They would make a good tag team, he was glad the Entity was on their side.

Through a magical crack in the wall, Vatorbutt (VB) appeared dressed in a kilt and ski mask. He discretely sauntered out the door, but Kitty saw through his plan. VB began to frolic in the front yard Mills Lane went outside to ask him what he was doing, and VB unleashed his full fury on Mills. Through a blood-splattered window the team watched as VB reduced Mills to a grisly heap of lifeless flesh. He then clicked his heels together three times, and disappeared in a puff of smoke. The team went to the crack in the wall, and stepped inside one by one.

Low and behold, they were now in the Jahawker Tower Catacombs, which was in shambles. The Entity was scared, and found another crack. Everyone followed suit, and ended up at Tudor's house, where his family was having a Tupperware party. "Hello guys, have a seat" said Tudor. There they sat...the Entity, SCSA, Kitty and Paul. "Let me get you boys some lemonade", said Tudors Mom, with whom Tudor still lived with. "Thank you," said Kitty. SCSA took the glass of lemonade and slammed it like a man. Paul daintily tiptoed through the tulips, which he found in the backyard, and Kitty sipped his like a bird. "Where did the Entity go?" questioned SCSA. Then, suddenly, the house began to shake. Everyone went outside. "Oh my" said Tudor. It was the Entity and VB, fighting on the roof. The Entity turned into Buddy the Dog, and bit VB in the ass. VB let out a horrendous scream that was so loud it turned Tudor into a buffalo wing. Paul made for the wings at an unprecedented rate. "Hey, save some for everyone else" said Tudor's Mom. SCSA ran over to her and grabbed her by the throat. "My friends and I will do whatever the fuck we want to bitch," said SCSA. She then morphed into Patsy Cline, sung a song of sixpence, and disappeared, never to be seen again. Kitty sprouted wings, and SCSA and Paul hopped on and they were off, just in the nick of time.

After devouring Buddy, VB lunged for our heroes. A narrow escape indeed. But wait! Paul looked back at VB, who had morphed into Medusa. Paul turned to stone, and plummeted towards the Earth. "Where are we going" asked SCSA. "To the Outback", replied Kitty. And so they were off. West they flew, into the setting sun. For 7 days and 7 nights they flew, sustaining themselves on the freeze dried GI food they got from Jesse.

…In the Outback....
"Click click...asfdsa.asfad...dfdfdf." said the Aborigine, pointing to the sky. "Aaahhhhhh!!" screamed Kitty and SCSA, as they prepared for a crash landing. Kitty was knocked unconscious, while SCSA wiped the dust from his eyes. Suddenly, SCSA was surrounded by a ring of Aborigines, wielding spears with blueberry muffins impaled upon them. Then, suddenly, Kittywampus arose, and a score of Evil Duckbilled-Wallabies waltzed by.

The two biggest duckbilled wallabies morphed into Joe Camel (JC) and the Marlboro Man (MM) on top of a horse with no name. After enticing the aborigine teenagers to smoke, they turned their heads to the team. "You think you can stop us? Just try!" MM pointed a long magical staff at the tribal elders and turned them into ostriches. He looked at his staff, beat it against his leg, then pointed it at them again, this time turning them into blueberry muffins. JC laughed, and MM told him to shut up. Then they melded together to form Vatorbutt dressed in a tux and holding a jar of Mayo. He mixed the mayo with gasoline and was just about to light it as a plane flew by frightening him, and he ran off leaving the three gallons of mayopalm in the road.

The ghost of the gaseous Entity formed from wisps of fumes as a hologram, and said, "Don't make the same mistake I did, VB cannot be attacked head on, you must surprise him..." He went on to tell them one of VB's secrets. While being digested, he learned VB was not of Earth, his molecular makeup was not based on Carbon, like Earth-native beings. VB composition was based on yet-undiscovered elements native only to neutron stars and black holes. "What does that mean?" asked SCSA. "Nothing, it is merely a fascinating scientific discovery," replied the Entity ghost. Kitty moaned and farted on the ghost. Immediately, it reformed its original gaseous state, and rejoined the team. In the meantime, the Aborigine teenagers had begun to smoke cigarettes and gather the blueberry muffins that their elders had been turned into. They presented the team with the muffins and mayopalm and wished them luck.

The team set off in a jiffy, driving off into the desert in a four-door Hummer that Kitty had wished into existence. They drove around the Outback for 40 days and 40 nights and they finally found the Crocodile Hunter. He joined them, and took them to a trans-dimensional nexus in his garage. He had built the nexus from discarded major appliances, and used it to travel to any and all the magic cracks on Earth. They stepped through, and walked through the magic crack in the wall of the mad scientist who was changing the dingos to muffins. Not surprisingly it was VB just dressed up as a mad scientist. They jumped around the corner, and ran into Mark McGwire, who was chained to a water heater, imprisoned by VB. They set him free just in time for the season opener, and just as he was leaving to make the next game, he paused. Mark McGwire turned around, and pulled out his very own whoopin' stick, a 10 foot long, 500lb Louisville Slugger. The crowds went wild, as VB had shrunk them and put them in a Biggie Fry box. SCSA knew a fight when he saw one, and jumped in and clotheslined VB before he knew what hit him. Then suddenly, the HDC mutation flew in, and dove into the box of fans. Tiny little screams were heard as HDC picked the heads off of each fan one by one. The box was now filled with blood and tiny little carcasses, and HDC extended his mosquito-like beak to feast upon his bounty.

Just then, a giant Horn of Plenty appeared. Eddie the Indian Chief ran by cocking an ear of Indian corn, and SCSA did laugh, and Mark McGwire did swing his bat at VB, and HDC did fly away, and Kitty did yawn, and the Crocodile Hunter (CH) did fart. Just as the gigantic bat was about to make contact with VB, he pulled out a whisk, a bowl, and some ingredients, mixed together a batch of blueberry muffins, and vanished. The bat hit the mixture, and everyone was covered by raw blueberry muffin mix. "Hey everyone, follow me," yelled Kitty, as he dove head first into a magical crack in the floor.

Suddenly, everyone was flying through the fabrics of time, like in Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure. Kitty lead the bunch, followed by SCSA, the CH, and Mark McGwire, who decided that he would like to come. Kitty pointed ahead, and there was VB, just a few hundred yards ahead of them. Flying through the cables at such high speeds made SCSA hungry, so he ate Big Mac. "Only the strong survive" he said. Kitty knew that everyone was traveling at exactly the same speed, and there was no way to catch up to VB, or was there? Using his enormous brain power, Kitty calculated exactly what he needed to do in order to gain speed. He had it! They must all take the next exit. Then, they would enter another magical crack, except this one would put them a few seconds into the future ahead of where they are now. They left, and found the crack. Kitty entered first, with a Make and Bake oven in-hand. Pow, they were back in the cable, within arms reach of VB. Kitty opened up the oven in the direction of VB, who Kitty had figured out is made of 100% Muffin Mix. "Damn, the Make and Bake oven needs power!" said Kitty. Thinking quickly, he told SCSA to leave once again, except this time he would find a long extension cord, and throw the end down a specific magical crack at exact 843 am. VB would be free in just 15 seconds, as the next exit was close by...14...13... "Hurry", screamed Kitty. Ten seconds later, a cord appeared next to Kitty. Cord in hand, he reached to plug in the oven. 3...2...1... "Got it!"

"AHHHHHHHHHHH" screamed VB, who became entrapped in the oven by Kitty. Kitty turned the knob to 425 and set the timer for 30 minutes. CH and SCSA were congratulating Kitty on a job well done. "It's not over yet" explained Kitty. He must cook VB at a very high temperature in order to kill him. The only way to do that was with the heat from a nuclear blast. "Where are we going to get a nuke?" questioned the CH. Kitty's just smiled, as he threw the oven forward as hard as he could. "Get off at the next exit!" Kitty screamed, and they did.

They were all back in the CH's nexus room. "Wow, what a rush" said SCSA. Kitty carefully looked at his watch. Then, the Earth began to shake. Bright light busted through all the magic cracks in the world, as the Make and Bake Nuclear Bomb exploded, cooking VB. The heat was so intense, that it melted all the cracks shut, never to be entered again. "Nooooooooo!" screamed CH, whose life depended upon those cracks. "Believe me, it is better this way," said Kitty to CH. Then, CH's eyes turned blood red, and his skin started to come off. Everyone jumped back behind his Fairmont seat, and watched. There was the sound of twisted metal and pleas for help, and then nothing but a cloud of dust. Once the dust cleared, there stood Timmy, the Mechanimal. "Oh my god, look!" screeched Kitty, for inside the cockpit was none other than VB. They had baked his evil twin, Muffin Ass by mistake. Timmy engaged his thrusters, and up they went, destination another elevator shaft, intentions unknown.